I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
