I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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