dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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