DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
