Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
