we made out on top of his cat.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
