She said her name was "party"
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
