Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
