It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
ok first of all what the fuck
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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