I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
