Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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