Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
