Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
