I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
