??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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