i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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