Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
