Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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