You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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