I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
