my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
