If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
