God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
