you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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