i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
