sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
