Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
