So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I wear drunk well.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
