it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
