i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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