We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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