craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
