I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
