K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize