A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
