Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize