all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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