he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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