whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
