sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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