I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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