she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
