so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
