apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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