To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
