Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
