is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
we're so committed to being not committed
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
