i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
