I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
