I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize