it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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