I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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