how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
