worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Let's get the cat blown out
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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