I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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