I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize