hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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