found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
