I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
