You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
