we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
