btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
