i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
