sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
