first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
