i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I enjoy the company of your penis
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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