Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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